“When We Were Kids”
The holidays are arrived.
I’m guessing no one’s told you yet, but that’s how it is, kid.
I bet, how the two of you did was right over there on that bench, past the field.
She was like the top of her class out of all of them, or so I’m told.
At the tone, please state your name and reason for calling.
This here is a game, do you want in, are you seconding guessing or…what?
Because we are a family like he said, click, unit and on-so on we go, running ‘round in a group.
That doesn’t cost as much as you think it does.
Little does she know, they’re going to eat that shit.
Please try to be nice when you go over there tonight.
You know, you’re really annoying when you do that, honestly.
With that being said, we’re certainly not expecting anyone to come by until later.
When you ring the doorbell press it only once instead of constantly fucking clicking it.
You know, it’s really annoying that you do that—yeah, you know what I’m talking about.
Target has a special today if we have time, after Macy’s.
Here’s what I want, in no particular order: some stuff, a lot of stuff, and extra junk, if it’s not too much.
That sort of thing isn’t really cool anymore, you know…
I do, I asked this guy about it recently the other day and he said that it was still under wraps, so…
Her, the blonde? No, you don’t want to know—she’s a mess every week.
Skipping meals isn’t excuse to not share, even if it’s more than you can finish.
It is dude, it really is…what, you think I’m kidding?
When you learn to turn things over, it opens up all this other stuff, but you got to be open-minded about it…
I ever see you do that again, I swear to fucking g-d, I’m gonna rip you a new asshole, come kingdom come or whatever.
See, that’s how the-thing-of-it-is really works, so and so, because when you do this, then that other thing I told you about…
Look, you’re you, and I’m me, and that’s all we’ll ever be.
How could I judge you when I did the same shit as you?
Okay, hear me out here—a venti, triple half-caff nonfat latte, scoop of matcha, two pumps sugar-free hazelnut, sprinkle of cinnamon, honey drizzle and dollop of whip, scalding.
All this channel ever shows are boring people talking about boring stuff.
How come that Knightley guy waits the entire book to tell her what she already knows?
If I had to pick at-least three, one of them for sure would be a T-Rex because they’re fucking badass and can eat you.
Of-course I paid for it, you want to see the receipt? Yesterday, right before closing, I forgot the name of the guy who was helping me.
Lousy food, lukewarm and overpriced—I’m never going there again, like ever.
Over along the tracks and past 5th, there’s this one so and so…yeah, here’s how you get in…no, no, a little more than that…
You don’t love me, you love the idea of me.
Don’t get defensive, I was just saying that when you get like that, there’s always a time and place for things.
The way the world ends is when I catch you talking with her, doesn’t matter now, or whenever.
I’m sorry, but I’m tired and need to rest tonight, can we do a rain check?
My other one was the sectional that came with the ottoman.
Everybody like freaked when the cops came.
Can I ask you something, but please don’t get mad, okay—it’s pretty serious.
Nowadays, I just say my peace and move on—no use getting butt-hurt over it.
The highlight of my week is getting to stand next to you and hold your hand for a few seconds.
People get pissed when you tell them that, take my word for it.
Barely, like this isn’t even a real discussion.
You’re getting that face again when you want to say something and are choosing not to.
If it doesn’t fit we can take it back for an exchange.
You’re husky, like chunky, but not fat.
She’s so full of shit, every other word that comes out her mouth.
How could I not take it personally when he said the same thing the other night?
Sometimes I wish I was someone else.
Go run home to your mommy and cry, crybaby.
I’ll tell you what cocaine smells like.
Consider maybe the fact that when it’s all said and done, nobody gives a shit.
You talked me into it—yes, I’ll have another scoop, but the pistachio.
Jesus, are you really going on about this again?
Christmas is for everybody else.
What makes me really happy is taking a big, fat dump after my morning cup.
Walk, run, jog—just make sure it gets delivered before four.
Is this thing really vegetarian? I swear it tastes just like General Tso’s from Pei Wei.
That’s not love, it’s what she does when she’s horny, dude.
Tell Santa to go and suck my ass.
You’re not going to learn like that if you keep on doing it wrong.
Right, I’m sorry, I just thought no one was drinking it.
When we were kids, did you ever stop to think about how quickly time went?
It’s okay to be afraid of the dark…everybody thinks it’s scary, honey.
© 2023, A. M. D’Angelo
